He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
