Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
