i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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