I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
