I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
