so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
