Already got asked if we're dating
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
