He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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