she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
