they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize