I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
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