i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
