I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
