Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
