I just saw a hot homeless man
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I want a musical about memes.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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