We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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