Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
It was confusing and full of hummus
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
