if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
