There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
