you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
