He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Randomize