What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
