If that was your dad, he is hot
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
