who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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