a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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