May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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