I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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