Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
