Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
