And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Randomize
