i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
