we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
