she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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