someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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