Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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