we made out on top of his cat.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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