We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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