You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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