exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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