Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
