so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
