shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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