I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
