Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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