There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Who put my cat in the fridge?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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