It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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