I think im going to throw up on grandma
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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