I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
