dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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