i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
We don't watch enough power rangers
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
