Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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