Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize