you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
