don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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