On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
