so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
