So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
