we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
is wine microwaveable?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
