i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize