this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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