I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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