Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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