I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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