I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I want her autograph on my taint
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
