Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
