Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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