so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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