we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
