Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Randomize
