I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
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