Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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