the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
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