talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
