Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
