He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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