I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
