My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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